It’s impactful to see & read these three pieces together. Thank you for sharing them.
I have been inside of many different bodies through the years, and just when I felt able to organize all the cumulative weight of so many stored “bodies,” pain & disease showed up to teach me that all the many versions of me still add up to just one: The one I’m trying to hold onto for longer and with less pain.
This is beautifully said. And although I suspect you are dealing with something more serious than I’m experiencing right now, I think I know how you feel. Yesterday, I was fantasizing about taking a trip to Paris with retirement savings—and remembering how I walked all over the city on my first (and only) trip there. Got brought back to reality by the pain I surely would feel trying that now. All these reminders, every day, of vital past bodies and a diminished present one.
I’ve had a similar experience of late, Jen. “ that all the mini versions of me still add up to just one : the one I’m trying to hold onto for longer and with less pain.” Beautifully said.
Wow, so much to unravel. Many memories resurfaced when reading this piece. Memories that I'm not trying to suppress but that take a long time to work through. Your truth speaks to every woman.
OMgoodness, so much to unpack here. I so understand what it means to have that Jewish body and not the perfect body of a Tsarina, which is what those cultural mavens of Hollywood would promote as the perfect female ideal. I actually had a frenemy who once told me the reason that black guys would whistle at me is because I had a black woman's butt. So I feel you on that one.
Menopause is miserable. Between the round tummy and the humongous boobs my new reality is not making me happy. But I am learning to live with it.
I had just the opposite diet issues, I was borderline anorexic. I was 5'7"' and 112 pounds when I got married. And always obsessed about being very thin. But when I hit my 40s I stopped going on the scale. A high body weight would send me into a real spiral.
I realized I had to stop myself cold turkey and have only gotten on a scale without looking when it was needed because I had to have some amount of anesthesia.
I came to the conclusion that what I need to do is to exercise and eat healthy. My blood work shows me as healthy. Since my breast cancer I go for regular exams and so far everything is going well, too.
I will never be that thin ideal. I am not so sure it is an ideal either. It is a fever dream of some obnoxious and misogynistic men. If you take a look at pictures of women throughout the ages from ancient times through the end of the 19th century, women were shown with tummies, tushies and breasts. I think it is time we took back our bodies.
Thanks so much for the restack. And even more thanks for sharing your experience and reflections here. I’m also working on health. Or trying to, anyway. It’s hard when you live with two people who can eat anything they want (and do) and stay healthy. My husband, who runs and bikes and eats like the WASP that he is, is just plain skinny. My daughter, who works bailing hay and riding horses and cleaning stalls, etc. 6 days out of seven—and is 25–has a gorgeous, muscular body that feels completely at home in the world as an active “doer” (rather than the cover-girl that she certainly could be if she wanted to.) Her comfort in her body is a delight for me. But those Insomnia cookies!
I want to say thank you. This is the type of read I find myself digging for like a needle in a haystack through the endless heap of man-stack on this platform and whatever they're whining about-or so sure of themselves about-sorry not interested-had my fill. I want to hear more women's stories! More honest women's stories! So thank you! I too write about growing up female, contending with puberty, womanhood, motherhood, and now menopause-so many different bodies I've had. Agreed, I just want this one to last now for a long while in the least amount of pain and with sovereignty.
When i read your powerful excerpts and think about my own adolescence, it occurs to me that body image and body ideals have been dominant and psychically toxic long before the advent of social media. And it makes me wonder whether it's the social media-driven ubiquity of the ideal that's changed or rather some other cultural forces that have further accentuated the importance of image.
You’re absolutely right. I have so much to say (and so much I have said) on those cultural forces that I just want to send you my books!! But I’ll look for an article, perhaps. And have to say, I’d love to hear more about your own adolescence. I noticed, while I was putting this piece together, that you've posted a stack that might go into that. Now that I finished this one, I look forward to reading it. (One of my books—a breakthrough book for me, in terms of allowing my work to be more personal—is on the male body. It’s a bit out of date—wrote it in the late 90’s—but men still seem to find parts of it relevant.)
This is the first time I have heard about the ‘ping’ from another woman. I experienced it firsthand with each of my children and totally get how it happened for you, distance not withstanding. My male OBGYN for my first pregnancy came up with a birth date 10 days off based on his calculations and total disregard for my experience and knowledge regarding my own body. I knew with dead certainty the exact day and time and went into labor exactly when I told him I would. So happy to find out at age 61 that I am not the only woman who has experienced the magical ‘ping’ and the flood of happy endorphins that comes with it.
I’m so glad to hear this!! Every time I described it I was met with skepticism. Your experience with your OBGYN is a microcosm of the arrogance of those who minimize our knowledge of our own bodies. Like, um, the men on the “Supreme” Court, who seem to feel that pregnancy is just nine months of a slight disruption in ones life….
I did not experience this myself, but have heard it from other women, so I believe it certainly can happen. I've also heard from women about their partner feeling that, and saying to them, "You just got pregnant"; it was true.
To be honest, I don’t know how a man can have that kind of knowledge, since once the sperm leaves his body he can’t “feel” what happens after in the woman’s body. I suspect that for men who claim to know this, it’s based on reading the reaction of their partners. But hey, what do I know? The body is a mystery.
Thank you for this, Susan. These pieces speak together so well. I think about different phases of my life and my relationship with my body. About ways of wished it were different or hidden it or displayed it for others.
God wouldn’t it be brilliant, I’ve thought at times, if we could untangle all the messaging about what a body should be, about what its curves or lines mean and hold only to what a body can do, the way it can dance or heal or hold another body in solace. I’ve recently experienced a health challenge that has involved experiencing a lot of pain. I’m hoping it can help me just a little bit in this lifetime of untangling. Work like yours helps.
Thank you. I really wanted to write exactly the book you describe. My then-agent (a man, since disappeared from my life) discouraged me! Now, I think the time is past to do it. But maybe more in stacks!!
Thank you for sharing your work, I love it, everyone has their childhood as a child, happy or sad, seeing your work reminds me of my childhood, it seems funny now LOL
A lot to unpack here, which calls for my own essay. Thank you. But I will say, I started college in 1972, and one of the best memories of my 2 years at UCONN before I moved to the West coast, is being part of the women's feminist group there. (I suppose it had a name, but I don't remember it). I was too immature to make the most of it, but the power of the feminist movement at that time was strong, and the power of those 15 - 20 young women who were strong in their determination that "we could do it" stays with me. I have seen some of the negative references to that time, and all I can say is, if you weren't there, you can't know!
It’s impactful to see & read these three pieces together. Thank you for sharing them.
I have been inside of many different bodies through the years, and just when I felt able to organize all the cumulative weight of so many stored “bodies,” pain & disease showed up to teach me that all the many versions of me still add up to just one: The one I’m trying to hold onto for longer and with less pain.
This is beautifully said. And although I suspect you are dealing with something more serious than I’m experiencing right now, I think I know how you feel. Yesterday, I was fantasizing about taking a trip to Paris with retirement savings—and remembering how I walked all over the city on my first (and only) trip there. Got brought back to reality by the pain I surely would feel trying that now. All these reminders, every day, of vital past bodies and a diminished present one.
I’ve survived the serious issue—knock wood. And yes to daily reminders. All those things I could do without feeling a thing!
I’ve had a similar experience of late, Jen. “ that all the mini versions of me still add up to just one : the one I’m trying to hold onto for longer and with less pain.” Beautifully said.
Wow, so much to unravel. Many memories resurfaced when reading this piece. Memories that I'm not trying to suppress but that take a long time to work through. Your truth speaks to every woman.
Thanks so much Michelle! Unraveling is a good word for my process writing the abandoned “prologue” piece.
OMgoodness, so much to unpack here. I so understand what it means to have that Jewish body and not the perfect body of a Tsarina, which is what those cultural mavens of Hollywood would promote as the perfect female ideal. I actually had a frenemy who once told me the reason that black guys would whistle at me is because I had a black woman's butt. So I feel you on that one.
Menopause is miserable. Between the round tummy and the humongous boobs my new reality is not making me happy. But I am learning to live with it.
I had just the opposite diet issues, I was borderline anorexic. I was 5'7"' and 112 pounds when I got married. And always obsessed about being very thin. But when I hit my 40s I stopped going on the scale. A high body weight would send me into a real spiral.
I realized I had to stop myself cold turkey and have only gotten on a scale without looking when it was needed because I had to have some amount of anesthesia.
I came to the conclusion that what I need to do is to exercise and eat healthy. My blood work shows me as healthy. Since my breast cancer I go for regular exams and so far everything is going well, too.
I will never be that thin ideal. I am not so sure it is an ideal either. It is a fever dream of some obnoxious and misogynistic men. If you take a look at pictures of women throughout the ages from ancient times through the end of the 19th century, women were shown with tummies, tushies and breasts. I think it is time we took back our bodies.
I commented on “Notes.” I’ll copy and paste those comments here in a bit!!
Thanks so much for the restack. And even more thanks for sharing your experience and reflections here. I’m also working on health. Or trying to, anyway. It’s hard when you live with two people who can eat anything they want (and do) and stay healthy. My husband, who runs and bikes and eats like the WASP that he is, is just plain skinny. My daughter, who works bailing hay and riding horses and cleaning stalls, etc. 6 days out of seven—and is 25–has a gorgeous, muscular body that feels completely at home in the world as an active “doer” (rather than the cover-girl that she certainly could be if she wanted to.) Her comfort in her body is a delight for me. But those Insomnia cookies!
I want to say thank you. This is the type of read I find myself digging for like a needle in a haystack through the endless heap of man-stack on this platform and whatever they're whining about-or so sure of themselves about-sorry not interested-had my fill. I want to hear more women's stories! More honest women's stories! So thank you! I too write about growing up female, contending with puberty, womanhood, motherhood, and now menopause-so many different bodies I've had. Agreed, I just want this one to last now for a long while in the least amount of pain and with sovereignty.
Thanks so much for this comment. There’s other pieces under the “memoir” heading on the home page that you might enjoy. Here’s one. It’s written like fiction but it’s actually about me. https://open.substack.com/pub/susanbordo/p/1968-a-memoir-only-slightly-disguised?r=384ha&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Ah, I wrote my memoir as fiction-well so the guilty parties can go fu** themselves 😌
Hi Susan,
When i read your powerful excerpts and think about my own adolescence, it occurs to me that body image and body ideals have been dominant and psychically toxic long before the advent of social media. And it makes me wonder whether it's the social media-driven ubiquity of the ideal that's changed or rather some other cultural forces that have further accentuated the importance of image.
You’re absolutely right. I have so much to say (and so much I have said) on those cultural forces that I just want to send you my books!! But I’ll look for an article, perhaps. And have to say, I’d love to hear more about your own adolescence. I noticed, while I was putting this piece together, that you've posted a stack that might go into that. Now that I finished this one, I look forward to reading it. (One of my books—a breakthrough book for me, in terms of allowing my work to be more personal—is on the male body. It’s a bit out of date—wrote it in the late 90’s—but men still seem to find parts of it relevant.)
This is the first time I have heard about the ‘ping’ from another woman. I experienced it firsthand with each of my children and totally get how it happened for you, distance not withstanding. My male OBGYN for my first pregnancy came up with a birth date 10 days off based on his calculations and total disregard for my experience and knowledge regarding my own body. I knew with dead certainty the exact day and time and went into labor exactly when I told him I would. So happy to find out at age 61 that I am not the only woman who has experienced the magical ‘ping’ and the flood of happy endorphins that comes with it.
I’m so glad to hear this!! Every time I described it I was met with skepticism. Your experience with your OBGYN is a microcosm of the arrogance of those who minimize our knowledge of our own bodies. Like, um, the men on the “Supreme” Court, who seem to feel that pregnancy is just nine months of a slight disruption in ones life….
I did not experience this myself, but have heard it from other women, so I believe it certainly can happen. I've also heard from women about their partner feeling that, and saying to them, "You just got pregnant"; it was true.
To be honest, I don’t know how a man can have that kind of knowledge, since once the sperm leaves his body he can’t “feel” what happens after in the woman’s body. I suspect that for men who claim to know this, it’s based on reading the reaction of their partners. But hey, what do I know? The body is a mystery.
This is such a beautiful and heartbreaking portrait of what the media and family (the body image police) do to women and girl every minute of the day.
Thank you!
Thank you for this, Susan. These pieces speak together so well. I think about different phases of my life and my relationship with my body. About ways of wished it were different or hidden it or displayed it for others.
God wouldn’t it be brilliant, I’ve thought at times, if we could untangle all the messaging about what a body should be, about what its curves or lines mean and hold only to what a body can do, the way it can dance or heal or hold another body in solace. I’ve recently experienced a health challenge that has involved experiencing a lot of pain. I’m hoping it can help me just a little bit in this lifetime of untangling. Work like yours helps.
Thank you. I really wanted to write exactly the book you describe. My then-agent (a man, since disappeared from my life) discouraged me! Now, I think the time is past to do it. But maybe more in stacks!!
What is the title of your book?
I remember reading and enjoying an essay of yours on men’s bodies
My last post was indeed about my adolescence appearances and my first girlfriend.
Would love to know what you think of it
The male body book is called “The Male Body: A New Look at Men in Public and in Private.” Looking forward to reading your stack!
Thank you for sharing your work, I love it, everyone has their childhood as a child, happy or sad, seeing your work reminds me of my childhood, it seems funny now LOL
A lot to unpack here, which calls for my own essay. Thank you. But I will say, I started college in 1972, and one of the best memories of my 2 years at UCONN before I moved to the West coast, is being part of the women's feminist group there. (I suppose it had a name, but I don't remember it). I was too immature to make the most of it, but the power of the feminist movement at that time was strong, and the power of those 15 - 20 young women who were strong in their determination that "we could do it" stays with me. I have seen some of the negative references to that time, and all I can say is, if you weren't there, you can't know!