Obama, campaigning, was measured and generous, uplifting, in his speeches. He couldn’t risk being seen as an angry Black man. Hence Michelle’s admonition: when they go low, we go high. Now he’s giggling at the image of Trump changing his own diapers. And strongly telling the crowd not to clap: he’s pissed and has something to say. He has the luxury to do this now. Kamala does not; she must be 100% the joyful warrior so she doesn’t appear bitchy. She has the best surrogate speaker (well, after Michelle) to hit hard for her.
I agree that he was speaking to young men. I appreciated that he used her catchphrases. When men who were impacted by his speech hear her say them, it will reinforce their commitment.
Well, let’s hope. Thank you for this series. I think it’s important, especially with your insights from the 2016 campaign.
Thank you so much for understanding what I was trying to communicate, for adding your own details to it, and for urging me to continue. Sometimes, it does feel hard to write about this “second marriage.” I can’t tell you how much it helps for you to say it’s important!!
You can't imagine how helpful these deconstructions are when everything seems so crazy and lopsided and repetitious...That crap that was said about Hillary "....just something about her" and now a similar trope for Kamala....." I don't really understand where she's coming from." I think these are coded expressions of institutionalized sexism and institutionalized racism. For my own sanity, I boiled down an answer (not original) to the question of why so many follow T*mp still: "He hates who they hate." It's an unfortunate and primitive part of humans who simply will not, cannot evolve. Thank you again for these incredible essays.
I’m so glad these deconstructions are helpful. You helped me write this one a lot—by talking through my difficulties with substack with me and why this “Election Watch” in particular is hard for me. I love you tons, my wonderful songwriting (and much more) sister!!
Yes! When my husband asked his sister why she'd decided not to vote for Hilary, she said, "there's just something about her .." I think you hit the nail on the head. Neither Hilary or Kamala is a man, and the standard for powerful leaders is simply male, at least in the US. It's infuriating.
You make me think that maybe there’s a “funny” stack to be written about coverage of women leaders. I’ve never tried to write a humorous take on it—just the odd joke here and there—but maybe some spirit-lifting is in order. She’s still supplying the joy. But “they” keep bringing me down.
Whomever is running her campaign is doing her a great disservice. I don't think you are seeing her strengths. I think they are keeping her very tightly controlled and I don't think that is a good thing. Honestly, I think she would do much better if instead of the "joy joy" crap, whatever that is, there are simply some things she needs to be pissed off about and not measured. In truth, I think she also needs to scare the bad guys in the world. Listen you don't have to like Nikki Haley but she really does that well, and so does Liz Cheney, and it is something Kamala really needs to do.
PS I also dont think its just a vagina thing. Remember Hillary did win the popular vote, and I watched something this morning where they were saying that the same thing could actually happen again. Kamala needs to go all midwestern don't f**k with the US if she wants to really win the battleground states.
I have to thank you for reminding me (you didn’t do it directly, but your comment made me remember) that earlier I had written about her power and strength. She’s actually been “letting it rip” quite a lot! (Especially in the debate.) The problem is they don’t play those clips over and over, the way they do others. And they have such a short memory, the debate is old news now. Anyway, after reading your comment, I knew I had to take some stuff from that stack about the debate and add it to this one. So thanks!!
Her debate performance was definitely a display of strength. My husband is voting for Trump despite all my best efforts to convince him otherwise, and I am voting for Kamala despite all his efforts to convince me not to, so we have discussed policies and personalities and all the reasons people want to vote for both. This election season has been harder than 2020 was for me because 2020 was when my husband had first registered as a Republican so that he could vote in the primary so while he voted for Trump in 2016, he wasn’t nearly as into it as he is now.
I of course have been questioned by many of my more liberal friends about how I make my peace with being married to someone who doesn’t support my rights or the rights of my daughter. I am not happy about what he supports, but ultimately we have been together 13 years (married for 11), and with his upbringing and background, ultimately I am not surprised he doesn’t feel like he can vote for a woman.
My husband had an extremely absent father, and even before his parents divorced when he was in high school, his father’s presence in his (and his sibling’s lives) was mostly to be an angry authoritarian presence that pushed them to be as ambitious as possible while also getting angry with them for not living up to their potential. His father is a narcissist and cares about none of us much (he barely has a relationship with our nearly 5 year old daughter despite claiming he wanted to be involved this time as compared to how he was with my nieces and nephew (my nephew unfortunately died in 2022 in a car accident before he even graduated high school)).
I feel certain that my husband’s relationship with his father or lack thereof makes him value shows of “strength,” and I have talked to him enough about his feelings on Kamala to know that she doesn’t appear tough enough to him.
My husband has also been a cop for 17 years now, so that affects more than he thinks it does- he has hardened himself out of necessity to stop himself from taking on all the worries of the people he serves (he worked in SVU for years, so all the rape cases and incest cases necessitated not having as much empathy because otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to get the info necessary to put away the terrible people who were committing sexual crimes against their own kids or relatives).
I think that for all of us who are considering why we want to vote for Kamala when others in our lives refuse to should remember that the so-called strength that’s being looked for is merely being a man. Some people don’t want to admit it, but they just can’t imagine voting for a woman for president.
Laura, thanks so much for sharing this. I suspect there are lots of women in your position. I think they’d like to hear stories like yours. We have this American fantasy about marriage in which certain things are imagines to be unacceptable. In fact, many couples stay together with huge compromises—and a great deal of patience and understanding. Marriage isn’t a Hollywood rom com. My husband and I share political views, but we have other major issues that people (including a past therapist) are incredulous (and judgmental) to learn of. “How can you stay together?” They ask. I left the therapist who urged that.
I haven’t been comfortable sharing my story as widely yet because of the judgment I have received for “accepting” (their words, not mine) his politics, but I am working on trying to explain how compromises have been made because we love each other and are committed to our marriage and bettering our relationship despite our differences while we navigate how that affects raising our daughter when our political views don’t align.
And if it happens again? Well, then, we know who to blame, and it won’t be Kamala. As Susan pointed out, no matter what she does, she’ll never be a man.
True, but if you take a look at the women who have been PM in their countries, whether in Israel, India, UK or Germany. They have all been strong willed, very take no prisoners, take no bullshit type of people. The people running Kamala’s campaign are trying to make her the country’s mamalah. We don’t need a mother. We don’t need touchy feely. People feel very unsure about alot of things. We don’t need a hug. The country wants a take no prisoners leader. She would do well in taking stock of how those women functioned.
Yes, but I think the U.S. is a very different place from any of those countries. We have this “femininity” fetish that they don’t have. I could say lots more about that, as it’s fascinated me for years, but the brisket is waiting. You’re right that people don’t want a mother (too many people saw Hillary that way—not as a nurturing mother but a “take out the garbage,” hectoring mother) but we do need uplift. I think Kamala has the right ingredients, but no way would it work for her to be a Golda or Thatcher type. Not in the U.S.
My daughter gave me a great compliment. Saturdays are her one day off work, and she relishes them. But when she heard I was cooking brisket, she said “I usually want Saturday morning to last forever. Now I can’t wait for it to be sundown!” What a blessing she is.
It is refreshing to see Kamala showing who she really is and what she cares about and realizing that her care, based on her own experiences of life, radiates outward to concern for others who might have the same issues and need some help (as we all do). What a contrast to the other side, whose concern only radiates back to themselves, what they need, what they want, what they will do to get what they want, even if they have to force others to do it…
About a million years ago (1990), I was editor-in-chief of a woman's business magazine. The percentage of times women were mentioned or pictured on the front page of any major newspaper ranged from nil to 2%. Usually, it seemed, only if they were part of a scandal.
I don't know what the disconnect is in the US. Other western countries can look past what's between someone's legs to choose elected officials. And to those who are saying she doesn't need to be a Mamalah - give me a break. She was a prosecutor - and she was crucified during the 2020 primaries because she was too aggressive.
Six months ago I truly doubted I would see a woman president in my lifetime. Biden's abdication upped the odds that Kamala could break through. But damn if the media isn't making the job near impossible.
The old line about Ginger Rogers comes to mind: she did everything Fred Astaire did but in three-inch heels and moving backward. At least Kamala chucked the heels for chucks.
Thank you. Yes, as I said to @EKB, the U.S. presents a special problem. We think we are so gender-progressive, but we have issues with strong women that other countries don’t. I’m thinking maybe I need to do a separate stack on just that issue. BTW, haven’t seen you in comments before. Welcome!! We have some great chats.
No, she’s not a man. And she also gives the strong impression of being full of hot air. Her mealy-mouthedness is appalling. I can’t say I passionately hope she wins. What I passionately hope is that Trump loses. Our choice is between the mediocre and the inconceivably horrible.
Obama, campaigning, was measured and generous, uplifting, in his speeches. He couldn’t risk being seen as an angry Black man. Hence Michelle’s admonition: when they go low, we go high. Now he’s giggling at the image of Trump changing his own diapers. And strongly telling the crowd not to clap: he’s pissed and has something to say. He has the luxury to do this now. Kamala does not; she must be 100% the joyful warrior so she doesn’t appear bitchy. She has the best surrogate speaker (well, after Michelle) to hit hard for her.
I agree that he was speaking to young men. I appreciated that he used her catchphrases. When men who were impacted by his speech hear her say them, it will reinforce their commitment.
Well, let’s hope. Thank you for this series. I think it’s important, especially with your insights from the 2016 campaign.
Thank you so much for understanding what I was trying to communicate, for adding your own details to it, and for urging me to continue. Sometimes, it does feel hard to write about this “second marriage.” I can’t tell you how much it helps for you to say it’s important!!
You can't imagine how helpful these deconstructions are when everything seems so crazy and lopsided and repetitious...That crap that was said about Hillary "....just something about her" and now a similar trope for Kamala....." I don't really understand where she's coming from." I think these are coded expressions of institutionalized sexism and institutionalized racism. For my own sanity, I boiled down an answer (not original) to the question of why so many follow T*mp still: "He hates who they hate." It's an unfortunate and primitive part of humans who simply will not, cannot evolve. Thank you again for these incredible essays.
I’m so glad these deconstructions are helpful. You helped me write this one a lot—by talking through my difficulties with substack with me and why this “Election Watch” in particular is hard for me. I love you tons, my wonderful songwriting (and much more) sister!!
Yes! When my husband asked his sister why she'd decided not to vote for Hilary, she said, "there's just something about her .." I think you hit the nail on the head. Neither Hilary or Kamala is a man, and the standard for powerful leaders is simply male, at least in the US. It's infuriating.
Oh but whadabout the issues they cry, her economic platform… (ahem emails)? So discouraging to watch the gender biased news coverage. Plus ça change…
You make me think that maybe there’s a “funny” stack to be written about coverage of women leaders. I’ve never tried to write a humorous take on it—just the odd joke here and there—but maybe some spirit-lifting is in order. She’s still supplying the joy. But “they” keep bringing me down.
A meme just posted on Facebook.
“Look, I know Darth Vader belongs to the dark side and that he blew up a planet, but I just don’t know enough about Princess Leia.”
Whomever is running her campaign is doing her a great disservice. I don't think you are seeing her strengths. I think they are keeping her very tightly controlled and I don't think that is a good thing. Honestly, I think she would do much better if instead of the "joy joy" crap, whatever that is, there are simply some things she needs to be pissed off about and not measured. In truth, I think she also needs to scare the bad guys in the world. Listen you don't have to like Nikki Haley but she really does that well, and so does Liz Cheney, and it is something Kamala really needs to do.
PS I also dont think its just a vagina thing. Remember Hillary did win the popular vote, and I watched something this morning where they were saying that the same thing could actually happen again. Kamala needs to go all midwestern don't f**k with the US if she wants to really win the battleground states.
I have to thank you for reminding me (you didn’t do it directly, but your comment made me remember) that earlier I had written about her power and strength. She’s actually been “letting it rip” quite a lot! (Especially in the debate.) The problem is they don’t play those clips over and over, the way they do others. And they have such a short memory, the debate is old news now. Anyway, after reading your comment, I knew I had to take some stuff from that stack about the debate and add it to this one. So thanks!!
Her debate performance was definitely a display of strength. My husband is voting for Trump despite all my best efforts to convince him otherwise, and I am voting for Kamala despite all his efforts to convince me not to, so we have discussed policies and personalities and all the reasons people want to vote for both. This election season has been harder than 2020 was for me because 2020 was when my husband had first registered as a Republican so that he could vote in the primary so while he voted for Trump in 2016, he wasn’t nearly as into it as he is now.
I of course have been questioned by many of my more liberal friends about how I make my peace with being married to someone who doesn’t support my rights or the rights of my daughter. I am not happy about what he supports, but ultimately we have been together 13 years (married for 11), and with his upbringing and background, ultimately I am not surprised he doesn’t feel like he can vote for a woman.
My husband had an extremely absent father, and even before his parents divorced when he was in high school, his father’s presence in his (and his sibling’s lives) was mostly to be an angry authoritarian presence that pushed them to be as ambitious as possible while also getting angry with them for not living up to their potential. His father is a narcissist and cares about none of us much (he barely has a relationship with our nearly 5 year old daughter despite claiming he wanted to be involved this time as compared to how he was with my nieces and nephew (my nephew unfortunately died in 2022 in a car accident before he even graduated high school)).
I feel certain that my husband’s relationship with his father or lack thereof makes him value shows of “strength,” and I have talked to him enough about his feelings on Kamala to know that she doesn’t appear tough enough to him.
My husband has also been a cop for 17 years now, so that affects more than he thinks it does- he has hardened himself out of necessity to stop himself from taking on all the worries of the people he serves (he worked in SVU for years, so all the rape cases and incest cases necessitated not having as much empathy because otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to get the info necessary to put away the terrible people who were committing sexual crimes against their own kids or relatives).
I think that for all of us who are considering why we want to vote for Kamala when others in our lives refuse to should remember that the so-called strength that’s being looked for is merely being a man. Some people don’t want to admit it, but they just can’t imagine voting for a woman for president.
Laura, thanks so much for sharing this. I suspect there are lots of women in your position. I think they’d like to hear stories like yours. We have this American fantasy about marriage in which certain things are imagines to be unacceptable. In fact, many couples stay together with huge compromises—and a great deal of patience and understanding. Marriage isn’t a Hollywood rom com. My husband and I share political views, but we have other major issues that people (including a past therapist) are incredulous (and judgmental) to learn of. “How can you stay together?” They ask. I left the therapist who urged that.
Thank you! I appreciate that perspective and appreciate your personal insight from your own marriage as well.
I haven’t been comfortable sharing my story as widely yet because of the judgment I have received for “accepting” (their words, not mine) his politics, but I am working on trying to explain how compromises have been made because we love each other and are committed to our marriage and bettering our relationship despite our differences while we navigate how that affects raising our daughter when our political views don’t align.
You’re right. They don’t play and replay that stuff and it makes no sense to me.
And if it happens again? Well, then, we know who to blame, and it won’t be Kamala. As Susan pointed out, no matter what she does, she’ll never be a man.
True, but if you take a look at the women who have been PM in their countries, whether in Israel, India, UK or Germany. They have all been strong willed, very take no prisoners, take no bullshit type of people. The people running Kamala’s campaign are trying to make her the country’s mamalah. We don’t need a mother. We don’t need touchy feely. People feel very unsure about alot of things. We don’t need a hug. The country wants a take no prisoners leader. She would do well in taking stock of how those women functioned.
Yes, but I think the U.S. is a very different place from any of those countries. We have this “femininity” fetish that they don’t have. I could say lots more about that, as it’s fascinated me for years, but the brisket is waiting. You’re right that people don’t want a mother (too many people saw Hillary that way—not as a nurturing mother but a “take out the garbage,” hectoring mother) but we do need uplift. I think Kamala has the right ingredients, but no way would it work for her to be a Golda or Thatcher type. Not in the U.S.
Enjoy the brisket ☺️
My daughter gave me a great compliment. Saturdays are her one day off work, and she relishes them. But when she heard I was cooking brisket, she said “I usually want Saturday morning to last forever. Now I can’t wait for it to be sundown!” What a blessing she is.
💖💖💖
I don’t know. I could use a hug. 🤷♀️
🥰
💖
Amen
It is refreshing to see Kamala showing who she really is and what she cares about and realizing that her care, based on her own experiences of life, radiates outward to concern for others who might have the same issues and need some help (as we all do). What a contrast to the other side, whose concern only radiates back to themselves, what they need, what they want, what they will do to get what they want, even if they have to force others to do it…
Thank the gods!! So glad she is who she is! A brilliant woman
So happy you are a dog on a bone about this.
About a million years ago (1990), I was editor-in-chief of a woman's business magazine. The percentage of times women were mentioned or pictured on the front page of any major newspaper ranged from nil to 2%. Usually, it seemed, only if they were part of a scandal.
I don't know what the disconnect is in the US. Other western countries can look past what's between someone's legs to choose elected officials. And to those who are saying she doesn't need to be a Mamalah - give me a break. She was a prosecutor - and she was crucified during the 2020 primaries because she was too aggressive.
Six months ago I truly doubted I would see a woman president in my lifetime. Biden's abdication upped the odds that Kamala could break through. But damn if the media isn't making the job near impossible.
The old line about Ginger Rogers comes to mind: she did everything Fred Astaire did but in three-inch heels and moving backward. At least Kamala chucked the heels for chucks.
Thank you. Yes, as I said to @EKB, the U.S. presents a special problem. We think we are so gender-progressive, but we have issues with strong women that other countries don’t. I’m thinking maybe I need to do a separate stack on just that issue. BTW, haven’t seen you in comments before. Welcome!! We have some great chats.
once I get started, I may not stop! ;D
That’s good!
Interesting article!
Thank you!
❤ (my LIKE button doesn't work)
Mine works, but I want to send you hearts anyway. Just can’t figure out how to put icons in comments!
No, she’s not a man. And she also gives the strong impression of being full of hot air. Her mealy-mouthedness is appalling. I can’t say I passionately hope she wins. What I passionately hope is that Trump loses. Our choice is between the mediocre and the inconceivably horrible.
Well just thank G-d for that!
That is, when he campaigned for himself…
I got that’s what you meant, but thanks for clarifying.