My husband once gave me dish-towels for Christmas. To say I was hurt would be an understatement. But there was something I didn’t realize then that I do now. And it was my daughter who opened my eyes.
To everyone to whom I haven’t responded yet: Don’t think your comment has fallen into a well of inattention. I read and appreciate every comment, and WILL respond. Sometimes it just takes me a little longer. Hugs and thank you for your engagement and contributions. Love, Susan.
For me, it’s about community. I write to connect, and if you write back to me, I write back to you!! I’m sure those with tens of thousands of subscribers aren’t able to do that, but that ain’t me, babe. (I can’t stop singing songs from that movie.)
Oh my goodness you are so loved. I learned along time ago that I was never to rely on presents of any kind. In fact, I had taken to simply buying my own presents and letting the husband know what I bought and to tell him not to worry.
I figured that I have an honest, hardworking, loving father and husband who handed me his paycheck, left the running of everything to me. If he couldn’t figure out how to buy me a present I didn’t care. Thinking back the only time I got any jewelry was when the boys aide took them shopping for my birthday and she called the hubby while they were at the jewelry store.
Life is very different when you are surrounded by the neurodivergent. It makes things frustrating and interesting and amazing all at the same time.
Proudly on the gifted, neuro-divergent, ADD, autistic spectrum. Although those traits were not considered conducive to marriage in my day. Well done you. They are very fortunate to have you.
Damn I loved that, even more than your Complete Unknowm post. I can’t possibly articulate how hard it hit me, so let’s just say every bit of it was both “useful” and hit me in The heart. I am nearly the antithesis of your husband, (despite much in common) and am both inspired and reminded by him. Your thinking is conveyed in. Way that makes me think we’re sharing brains, your daughter is the one who hits me so hard. Though we share little (not nothing in common), meeting her here Lmost makes me go back up the offramp I M on toward retirement. After 34 years teaching highschool, I can say w confidence,?I ran classes that kids like your daughter loved. It was a wildly rewarding and addictive career for me. Hard to believe I’m about to leave it. Thanks for your work. Truly.
Your comments have touched me and delighted me so much!! I hope you’ll continue to comment on my posts. The next one is going to a “Personal Inventory” of my views on a range of subjects, as they’ve been reflected in my two years on substack.
Yep, my husband demands a list from me every year and I know he agonizes over it. He won’t give me a list, though. The man is also not a hugger and I gather from the little family dynamic I know about there was very little hugging.
My dear husband does not seem to understand the concept of gifts-he says he didnt do anything to deserve them. He gives me random things-long underwear, socks, ear plugs, books he orders for me. He is a gift that I do not deserve. Thank you for the reminder
Susan, I loved this piece, just loved it. The way you track your own realizations about Cassie and Edward, then accept them for who they are, resonates profoundly with me. It was just the right thing for me to read at the beginning of the new year 🙏🏽
Susan, I really am a klutz in some ways or is it neuro-whatever, but one of my first Christmas gifts to my sweetie was a desk calculator… because she’s so good at managing numbers. Boy, did I take grief for that one! 🤣. Thanks for an illuminating post.
"... was told she tested 'way too smart' for that diagnosis"
Gee, that sounds too familiar. In the 60s it seems there were a lot of idiots thinking that these things were mutually incompatible. Probably just as well given the preferred "remedies" then.
I loved your piece. It was so honest, and so full of your compassion and empathy for your family. We have all experienced a Christmas with the “huh?” gift. Mine was a manual egg beater, a week after my daughter’s birth. Yes, I was hurt. My husband is brilliant in his field( builder), but I didn’t focus on why it was, but moved on to all the other ways he showed love.
To everyone to whom I haven’t responded yet: Don’t think your comment has fallen into a well of inattention. I read and appreciate every comment, and WILL respond. Sometimes it just takes me a little longer. Hugs and thank you for your engagement and contributions. Love, Susan.
For me, it’s about community. I write to connect, and if you write back to me, I write back to you!! I’m sure those with tens of thousands of subscribers aren’t able to do that, but that ain’t me, babe. (I can’t stop singing songs from that movie.)
Oh my goodness you are so loved. I learned along time ago that I was never to rely on presents of any kind. In fact, I had taken to simply buying my own presents and letting the husband know what I bought and to tell him not to worry.
I figured that I have an honest, hardworking, loving father and husband who handed me his paycheck, left the running of everything to me. If he couldn’t figure out how to buy me a present I didn’t care. Thinking back the only time I got any jewelry was when the boys aide took them shopping for my birthday and she called the hubby while they were at the jewelry store.
Life is very different when you are surrounded by the neurodivergent. It makes things frustrating and interesting and amazing all at the same time.
You sound like 1 big wonderful family.
“Frustrating, interesting and amazing” all at the same time. Exactly so!!
I love this so much… Your family is just …what can I say? It cheered me up quite a bit.
Aw. Thank you so much. Very meaningful comment. I love it.
Great piece! It can be so hard to decipher neurodivergence from lack of love and warmth.
Thank you!!
Proudly on the gifted, neuro-divergent, ADD, autistic spectrum. Although those traits were not considered conducive to marriage in my day. Well done you. They are very fortunate to have you.
I’m beaming over your comment, which I treasure.
Damn I loved that, even more than your Complete Unknowm post. I can’t possibly articulate how hard it hit me, so let’s just say every bit of it was both “useful” and hit me in The heart. I am nearly the antithesis of your husband, (despite much in common) and am both inspired and reminded by him. Your thinking is conveyed in. Way that makes me think we’re sharing brains, your daughter is the one who hits me so hard. Though we share little (not nothing in common), meeting her here Lmost makes me go back up the offramp I M on toward retirement. After 34 years teaching highschool, I can say w confidence,?I ran classes that kids like your daughter loved. It was a wildly rewarding and addictive career for me. Hard to believe I’m about to leave it. Thanks for your work. Truly.
Your comments have touched me and delighted me so much!! I hope you’ll continue to comment on my posts. The next one is going to a “Personal Inventory” of my views on a range of subjects, as they’ve been reflected in my two years on substack.
I bet you are a great teacher!!
And you don't call dish towels schmattahs?
Of course they are shmattes! Imagine, shmattes for Xmas!! And I think you’d enjoy this take on shmattes, too: https://open.substack.com/pub/susanbordo/p/revenge-of-the-shmattes?r=384ha&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true
Yep, my husband demands a list from me every year and I know he agonizes over it. He won’t give me a list, though. The man is also not a hugger and I gather from the little family dynamic I know about there was very little hugging.
I gave my wife an oven mitt this Christmas, She gave me the same thing.
Thank you for warming my heart.
My dear husband does not seem to understand the concept of gifts-he says he didnt do anything to deserve them. He gives me random things-long underwear, socks, ear plugs, books he orders for me. He is a gift that I do not deserve. Thank you for the reminder
Susan, I loved this piece, just loved it. The way you track your own realizations about Cassie and Edward, then accept them for who they are, resonates profoundly with me. It was just the right thing for me to read at the beginning of the new year 🙏🏽
I love this: Edward, Cassie, you arriving at a revelation. By the way, I use a dishwasher—and dish towels for all the things that come out wet.
Susan, I really am a klutz in some ways or is it neuro-whatever, but one of my first Christmas gifts to my sweetie was a desk calculator… because she’s so good at managing numbers. Boy, did I take grief for that one! 🤣. Thanks for an illuminating post.
You’re welcome. If she’s good a numbers, I can see why a calculator wouldn’t be so well-received!!
"... was told she tested 'way too smart' for that diagnosis"
Gee, that sounds too familiar. In the 60s it seems there were a lot of idiots thinking that these things were mutually incompatible. Probably just as well given the preferred "remedies" then.
I loved your piece. It was so honest, and so full of your compassion and empathy for your family. We have all experienced a Christmas with the “huh?” gift. Mine was a manual egg beater, a week after my daughter’s birth. Yes, I was hurt. My husband is brilliant in his field( builder), but I didn’t focus on why it was, but moved on to all the other ways he showed love.